"Recognize that the stepfamily will not and can not function as does a natural family. It has its own special state of dynamics and behaviors. Once learned, these behaviors can become predictable and positive. Do not try to overlay the expectations and dynamics of the intact or natural family onto the stepfamily." http://parenthood.library.wisc.edu/Bliss/Bliss.html
I think the above quote is wrong. I believe that every family, blended or natural creates its own expectations within the group. It is the natural order that the parents set the precedents, objectives, rules, celebrations and such.
Any group has its own individual group personality and dynamics. I experienced this when I was teaching. A class of students could be changed by the inclusion or exclusion of key individuals within the group. Just like teaching, there is a basic family make-up, roles of all involved, and there should be consistency in how this group is assembled. I agree that a natural family breakdown and the roles are all re-defined when a divorce of the groups primary leaders takes place. In many circumstances this is the decision of those leaders that they can not or will not agree to co-lead the family anymore. Depending on how this decision is made and experienced can make the difference for the children.
The decision to divorce is something that should not be made in haste. Equally important, when children are involved, is the decision to start dating and eventually re-marry. When a person makes the decision to be a parent all other decisions suddenly have to be made with the children as a priority. Parents have the most difficult decisions to make when they are faced with moving on from the breakage of the relationship with their co-parent. I can not imagine how you make those decisions. I can only support those of my friends who have to make them.
I can only make those decisions as a step-mom, my decisions now affect my step-children. My husband and I strive to give these children a family that is strong, perhaps stronger then their "natural family".
Any group has its own individual group personality and dynamics. I experienced this when I was teaching. A class of students could be changed by the inclusion or exclusion of key individuals within the group. Just like teaching, there is a basic family make-up, roles of all involved, and there should be consistency in how this group is assembled. I agree that a natural family breakdown and the roles are all re-defined when a divorce of the groups primary leaders takes place. In many circumstances this is the decision of those leaders that they can not or will not agree to co-lead the family anymore. Depending on how this decision is made and experienced can make the difference for the children.
The decision to divorce is something that should not be made in haste. Equally important, when children are involved, is the decision to start dating and eventually re-marry. When a person makes the decision to be a parent all other decisions suddenly have to be made with the children as a priority. Parents have the most difficult decisions to make when they are faced with moving on from the breakage of the relationship with their co-parent. I can not imagine how you make those decisions. I can only support those of my friends who have to make them.
I can only make those decisions as a step-mom, my decisions now affect my step-children. My husband and I strive to give these children a family that is strong, perhaps stronger then their "natural family".
No comments:
Post a Comment